Forward

I am not much for forwards.. in most cases I immediately go to a Snopes-type website and send back the link that "proves" that onions do not ward off the flu, no, Michelle Obama does not have the most staff ever for a First Lady, and the ACLU is not about to remove cross-shaped headstones from federal cemeteries. In reviewing the over 11, 700 emails in my Gmail inbox, a search for the term "Fwd:" returns "thousands" of entries. I got as far as 1,900 before I decided that I did not need to know the actual number to prove my point. They are mostly from less than 7 people: 4 of them are family. Back when I worked in an office for a 40+ hour a week job, when the computer was not my own, I actually asked two of those people to stop sending forwards at all because I could never guarantee that the contents of their emails would not be overtly sexist, racist, homophobic or some other less egregious form of fodder for firing me from my very politically correct company. I could not delete some of those emails fast enough, and not just because I did not want to get caught, but because I did not need to have "that kind of stuff" in my head. I don't think most of it is funny, or even amusing, and because of the way my memory works, some things get seared in there forEVer. The movie Seven *really* did a number on me.

But today my mom sent me a link titled Random Thoughts, and I thought, hmm that's a list I might write myself, kind of, well, maybe not, but I kept reading the email. It's not some amazing thing, don't get all excited...

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. (now luckily, I am not doing anything illicit, or at least not anything the most conservative person in my family would be that upset about.)
   
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. (this never happens to me hahahahahahahahahahahahahah)
   
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell ..... are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? (as it turns out, I do know how to do this. Here is a good place to learn how if you don't know. Yes, I just put a link to Martha Stewart in my blog post.)
   
6. Was learning cursive really necessary? (I think it is sort of sad that the human race will eventually forget how to do this, because when you write things down with your own hand it is harder to ignore what you are saying and how it might hurt someone.)
   
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. (I am actually trying to track this a little bit. Here is a good place to make your own challenges for healthy living.)
   
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again. (Now that we have children we have fallen off the early adopters program and get teased *before we even leave the store* about how smal our flat screen television is.. thank you Sage's husband, Pops!)
    
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever.
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring: Hello? Hello?, but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? (this is actually my brother's biggest pet peeve)
    
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. (I am not this evil..ever, well, almost never...)
    
18. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that? (with Lucy we get questions like: Who will I live with when I get older? How will I know when it's time to live with someone besides my mom and dad?)
    
19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. (actually, my freezer does have a light, and a seat heater and a moon roof. This list writer must have the next version down from mine. That always happens to my dad. If he did buy the version with the light in the freezer, it would malfunction and melt everything in the freezer, or his moon roof would leak and ruin the upholstery.)
    
20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than a "K". (I just recently understood this commercial, having heard it for years and thinking they meant, literally, "every kiss begins with Kay". I thought that was a sad statement that it took jewelery for anyone in the world to kiss... what they meant was the play on words that "every kiss begins with :K:" the letter duh. the word kiss begins with the letter :k: AND the jewelry store Kay Jewelers begins with the letter :k: Uhm yeah.. I am still a bit stunned how not smart that whole thing makes me feel.)

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In other news, the book My Baby Rides the Short Bus: The Unabashedly Human Experience of Raising Kids with Disabilities has just arrived at my house. My dear Squid and I each have a piece in this amazing book. I am so honored to have been included amongst these very real stories. My mom just called and told me it is a "box of Kleenex" kind of book, which makes sense to me since she is Grandma and can't "fix" anything for anyone in this entire book, including her own daughter's life. I have developed a small part of me that has grace (it's still really very small, but I am trying). This part of me feels very badly for my mom, and others in her position. They grieve once for their children, and how hard their lives have become, and they grieve again for the disabilities of their grandchild, and all of the dreams they had to do those grandparent-type things like take a child to her first opera and take a jaunt on an overnight train and go to Paris (okay I was lucky.. those are things I did with my grandmother). I haven't read very much of the book yet as I have been trying to organize my time all over again having added a new regular work gig to my already pressing desire to be a good parent and better-than-mediocre wife while attempting to not epic fail as El Presidente of the Special Ed PTA. It will all come together or it won't, and the book will get read in the car at stoplights and on trips to Tahoe I suppose, but I am very excited about it. I ripped open the package and read Squid's entire story. She is really a great writer and I am more than flattered that part of her story is about the time we first met. It is a rather precious story, and when I am reminded of it it makes me smile and be so thankful for this wonderful community.

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We're good. Can you tell?