Calm

Lucy is eating her fourth piece of toast smothered in butter and home made jam. Jake is in the back yard sifting rocks, creating his own Zen garden in the corner.

The migraines have finally passed. This time. We made it through another round.

I try to remember how I felt just a few days ago. I think it's like living while drowning, if that's at all possible. Although I've never been even close to drowning in actuality, I can imagine that our life with Jake's migraines (which exaggerate his other disabilities), our life might be like when you have fallen in and you are just about to swallow that first breath of water, but you can still see the surface. I feel like I'm not going to make it, as if I have run out of patience and compassion and energy and will.

and then I catch a breath. Descartes comes home from work, Jake slips into a tenuous calm, the babysitter shows up, and I can come up for just a moment.