I am always

...amazed by the kindness of others towards my special needs child:

• I know amazing women who helped make something wonderful happen.. an inclusive art project. We had the "art opening" at the Main Library here in Deadwood City. This is the art that was made possible by the grant applied for by DoubleTrouble and executed by Mamalicia, then turned into beautiful cards by Captain Blog. To order your set of cards visit our website and send an email to septarinfo@gmail.com
• the buddy Jake did his art project with came to the opening with his momma. He is the same boy who went on a date with us on Thursday. I must say again that he is one of the kindest little boys I have ever met. While he was at the library he made Jake a card that said "I had a great time at Johnny Rockets. I am having a great time at the library today too. I really like being your buddy." He drew pictures of a fish and several other creatures. He thanked me for inviting him to the art show. It was more than heart warming.

...surprised by death, even when we know it is coming, for all of us eventually:

• my girlfriend Pinks lost her momma this week after a very long battle with cancer. It was hard for me not to go be with her, even though it was not expected, and cost prohibitive, and would have been extremely hard on Descartes to juggle both children and work.
  
• I have an acquaintance, someone I met through close friends who has just entered the hospital for hospice. She is dying. She's only 38. I won't pretend that we are close friends, but I have laughed more than a few times with her, and care very much about Lovey who is her best friend. It will be so hard on Lovey and there is just not much we can do to make it easier for either of them. She is dying, and we knew it was going to come. We have known for awhile, but it is just so hard to imagine that the girl who danced on the bar with me, at Tao, in Vegas...is the same girl who is trying to get pain relief in her final days.
  
• I do not, at all, fear my own death. Not in any way, except to be pained that I will not be able to care for Jake, and who else will possibly care for him if I am not here. I am reminded that I need to get our ducks in a row to make sure that Jake and Lucy will be cared for in case I am surprised by my own demise.
  

...perplexed that I cannot make simple foods, but have mastered the most complex of recipes:

• I cannot make pancakes from a mix. I suck SUCK at making pancakes. I need to look up how to hard boil an egg, and I have failed at Jello every single time I have ever made it. Who fails at Jello?
• I can make an angel food cake from scratch, a soufflé which defies gravity and a chocolate cheesecake that was good enough to garner $200 at an auction.

...delighted when watching my husband plan an adventure:

• we are planning our ten-year anniversary mini-vacation, and have just, in our typical fashion decided that we should go while Jake is at camp at the end of June!
• we have decided to stay on the west coast of this continent and that is as far as we have gotten. Exceptions may be made for Jamaica, Banff, and Montana.
• we have recently excluded Panama due to the high incidence of armed robberies and kidnapping. We do not currently have time to be kidnapped.
• high on the list: Ten-ee-ah Lodge,
  
The Royal in Cancun (technically not on the Pacific Coast, I know.)

...disappointed that I cannot complete simple household projects:

• our downstairs bathroom has been "undone" for a year. It is only half drywalled and has the new toilet installed. We have also managed to place the shower stall floor pan. We have purchased the tile and the grout, and the glass for the shower but just can't seem to get it together to finish the damn thing.
• we have new lights, purchased in December, for the hallways up and down and Jake's bedroom which currently has the old overhead light with no glass in it. It broke last December which is why I bought the lights in the first place. I am hoping that eventually he will not have to stare at bare bulbs.
  

...thankful that this is my life, exactly as it is:

• i have the most precious children, the smartest husband and the coziest home. I am a lucky woman.