First Grade makes Me Cry

I remember first grade. I remember

Jake started first grade today. and I cried last night as I was packing his lunch. I cried because I remember the school play, and losing my teeth and sitting next to Kristin Gunnerson. And I remember wearing a 'dickey' to school because my mother made me, then slipping it off in the bathroom because it itched, and Mrs. Geiser asked if I had left my sweater on the bus (because she could not imagine that my mother had sent me to school without a shirt under my jumper.)

So I cried because Jake is there. He is where I begin to really remember my life. And I am not quite sure why it makes me so sad, except that he is experiencing these things and we can't really even talk about them. Then when he is older, will he remember too? Does he remember things like I do? Does he look forward to things like the first day of school? Was he worried this morning? Was he scared on the bus? Is that why he cried? Oh how he cried this morning.

Bonnie from Tower Road, she told me that I would mourn over and over. That I would be able to get it together in between,but that I would probably notice a loss again when we reached different milestones. She forgot to mention first grade. I thought I wouldn't feel it again until junior high school.

My wonderful husband hugged me in the kitchen until I stopped sobbing.

Jake had a great day at school today. He told me he did.